love your hair, hope you win

BIG MEAN HORNED GOAT WANTED

2010-09-16T22:33:00.001-04:00

BIG MEAN HORNED GOAT WANTED (250 mile radius from Pittsburgh Pa)

Date: 2010-09-15, 10:28AM ED

Do you have a mean goat in your heard?

I'm talking a really angry goat...

Is this goat too difficult to handle?

Always tries to ram you in the ass out of pure rage every time you turn your back...

Are your children in danger constant danger due to the unruly actions of this goat?

The kind of goat that bites...

Does this goat have large sharp scary horns?

Large enough to disturb the actions of a would-be burglar...

Would this goat make a good guard goat?

If you have said yes to all of these questions then...

YOU ARE IN LUCK THIS IS EXACTLY THE KIND OF GOAT I AM LOOKING FOR!!!

I am looking for a fairly large male goat of any variety, with the most monstrous, slice you to death kinda horns (preferably a 2 or more sets)

I want this goat to ram everything that moves, bites everything that its adorable little mouth can reach, and climbs to the heavens on top of anything that is physically scaleable...

I want an guard goat... an attack goat.

(and a biological grass cutter wouldn't hurt either)

I have a 6 foot fence around just under an acre of land for this goat to roam free in and graze until his little heart desires or is stuffed to the brim (whichever comes first)

He will have the best of vet care

He will have the best of food

He will have the freshest of water

He will have a heated indoor area to rest his huge badass horns at night

He will be treated with the utmost care and kindness (i just want him to be mean as fuck to begin with)

He will be my guard goat

I will even get his ass microchipped if you can even do that with goats in case the big bastard tries to completely doze the gate and make a run for it ("do not challenge the gate" <--- google that phrase if you haven't already seen that picture)

Anyways what I am trying to say is I want a mean as can be kinda goat.

If you have one

email me we will sit and talk

if you don't

then check with people you know that might, and tell them to check with people they know who might...

and if they still dont know anyone then

oh well i know someone in West Virginia defiantly will and ill post there too HAHAHA!

NO, but seriously... I want one

Thank you for you time to check this add

No part of this add was a joke either, hence the email address availability

So please do not hesitate to email me

Thanks

oh and a long beard on the goat would be a terrific bonus to my purchase

Location: 250 mile radius from Pittsburgh Pa
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1955074151

The Best Thank You Note Ever

2009-08-25T21:12:00.003-04:00

Dear Alexis,

Thank you for the backpack. My laptop fits nicely inside and likes it very much. It fits well on my back and I can put alot of stuff in it and it is very nice. I like the color, its like you read my mind.

Thanks alot,

Patrick

A Guide To Naming an RV

2009-07-28T19:40:00.004-04:00

Just in case you ever find yourself in the situation where you need to come up with a name or a design for an RV, here are some tips. (Actual RV names are in bold)

Think of adventurous words. You want your RV to elicit the feeling of extreme adventure. Some examples would be Escape, Freestyle, Fun Finder, Grand Surveyor, Nomad, Passport, Trail Runner, Wanderer.
Once you have your adverture word, think of some places that would be awesome to take an RV. Possibly Antigua, Aruba, Copper Canyon, Emerald Bay, Flagstaff, Frontier, Malibu. Make sure you come up with witty names such as New Horizons, Next Level, Open Road, it makes driving one so much more fun.
While we're at it, might as well think of some places that people would wonder "why the hell is an RV going there?". Places like Orbit, Space Craft, Vortex.
You want your RV to seem as spacious and homey inside, might as well name it after some sort of permanent residence. For example, Bunkhouse, Cabana, Chateau, Eggcamper, Hideout.
There is nothing better than naming your RV after a weird wild animal. These are afterall, the RV's that can get the best illustrations on the sides. Animals like Arctic Fox, Bigfoot, Burro, Cougar, Coyote, Cub, Desert Fox, Eagle, Golden Falcon, Hornet, Innsbruck, Lynx, Mallard, Prowler, Puma, Raptor, Roadrunner.
If you're going after a different crowd, one that might not like the wild animals, try some of these: G-Force, Nitrous, N'Tense, Octane ZX, Trilium, Xtreme, Zoom.
Everyone loves a cutesy little misspelling as well, things like Wee kender, Kustom Koach, Komfort.
Maybe something patriotic? All American Sport, Ameri-lite, Olympian, Pace American, Presidential, Spirit of America, Victory Lane.
If you really haven't come up with a name yet, check out these pictures and maybe you'll be inspired.

How long is too long?

2009-07-09T21:26:00.004-04:00

Driving home the other day, the voice in my car radio announced a new song. The new song began playing, and a few seconds into it, I realized that this wasn't a new song at all. The song had been out at least three months, if not longer. How can you label that as new?

When someone says new, I think brand new. For example, these are my new shoes. I bought them yesterday. They will be known as my new shoes until a) I buy a new "new" pair of shoes or b) they lose their luster and "new" appeal (approximately two-three wears). I'm not sure how the definition of new works on radio, but I think the radio stations have a way different definition of new than I do. As a radio station, "new" must be any song that has been released within the past 274 days (just a guess).

If we think about it, if my shoes get "not new" after two or three wears, songs would get "not new" at the same rate. I listen to the radio about an hour a day while driving to and from work. Each song is around three minutes, but there are probably twenty minutes of commercials/talking an hour. So in a typical day of radio listening, I hear about 13 songs. Thats hopefully an exclusive set of songs, but knowing radio, most likely I've heard many repeats.

I'm sure you know that radio stations have their choice songs that they play basically every other song. Summer of 2005 it was Brad Paisley's The World. I can't listen to that song to this day. Anyways, with all my calculations and magical equations, a song will get "not new" for me in about a week.

If my new songs get not new in one week, and radio stations think songs can be new for a year, we have a major misunderstanding. Point of the story is, I need to not get my hopes up when the radio station announces a new song.

And don't even get me started on new releases at Blockbuster...

Flying kittens...

2009-06-02T21:17:00.006-04:00

Southwest will be allowing pets in the cabin for flights beginning June 17, 2009. Even though I don't like the thoughts of pets on planes because I immediately think of Homeward Bound (where the pets escape from the airport and get lost in the wilderness), it is nice that Southwest is thinking of people with pets. I have just a few comments on their new policy...

Southwest Airlines will only accept small cats and dogs in carriers that can be stowed under the Customer's seat.

A small cat. What is a small cat? I thought I've seen alot of cats throughout my life, and most of the cats I've seen have been approximately the same size. Yes, there are varying sizes of cats at different times of their lives, for example, a 2-week old kitten is substantially smaller than a 2 year old kitten. That would be very weird if a 2-week old kitten was the same size as a 2-year old kitten.

I'm no cat expert, so I thought I'd check the internets to see if I was missing anything huge.

Cats typically weigh between 5.5 and 16 lbs. That doesn't seem like a big difference for an airline.
Cats average 9-10 inches in height, about 18 inches long, and a tail length of 11.8 inches. Seems like a pretty small size, something that would easily fit in a cat carrier.

So, really what is Southwest talking about with "small cats". A Maine Coon, which is a larger breed of cat, can exceed 25 lbs. Last year, a 44 lb cat (Prince Chunk) was found in Philly. The largest cat on record is 46 lb 15.25 oz. So I can see why Southwest might be against flying these larger cats across the friendly skys, but I still can't figure out what a "small cat" is. Is a small cat simply a not 44 lb cat?

Wikipedia tells me, the smallest cat ever on record was 3 lbs. Now that is a small cat. I just read entirely too much about dwarf, midget and miniature cats, but they seem rare enough that I doubt Southwest will only fly your cat if its a dwarf cat.

So really, what is a small cat?

Sky Mall

2009-06-01T19:14:00.001-04:00

Sky Mall has some amazing finds. See plzkthxbai. I've found some thought provoking products while perusing this pleasant magazine.

Is this Sleeping Beauty? Why is this woman sleeping with a rose? Is that safe?

Why is the Mom out the window and down the ladder before her kids if her house is on fire?

Spanish Bandits Through Time

2009-05-26T20:54:00.009-04:00

Spanish Bandits have caused many troubles in my life...

I thought I'd search through time and see what other kinds of trouble they caused. Turns out, they're pretty nasty.

Dilated Peoples even mention them in their song "Heavy Rotation"...

Drinkin Jose Cuervo like some spanish bandits

I bet classy Spanish Bandits drink Patron. Apparently they like to hang out at winerys though...

I just hope you never have to experience the wrath of Spanish Bandits...

I love fonts.

2009-04-13T21:39:00.008-04:00

I found a totally nerdy game that I wish I was better at. It shows you a few letters in different fonts, and you have to "shoot" the correct one. I'm pretty decent at the fonts that come default with Word, but... Clarendon Light, Bliss Light?

(play here)

Another cool, yet nerdy font thing that I enjoy... Kinetic Typography. There are a bunch of videos on YouTube if you search for that... This is one of my favorites.

the over the door cat climber.

2009-03-31T20:16:00.004-04:00

An ad from Hammacher Schlemmer:

The Over The Door Cat Climber: This is the

out-of-the-way, door-hung apparatus that allows cats to exercise their feline propensity for climbing, stretching, pouncing, and lounging in an elevated position. Four fully carpeted 17" L x 8 1/2" W x 1" thick platforms that stimulate cats' natural curiosities attach to a wooden support pole covered with a sheath of sisal fiber that encourages scratching for healthy claw and muscle development.The platforms provide secure sleeping places for cats without taking up extra space. The pole has a bracket that attaches easily and securely to the top of doors (a spring-loaded bracket fits to the bottom of doors for easy installation), yet it is light enough to allow you to move it from door to door as you please, providing more interest for cats; doors can be closed while the climber is attached.

All I can picture is a cat sleeping on this thing, someone opening the door and the cat flying off.

my thoughts on rabbits.

2009-03-29T16:23:00.012-04:00

Its getting close to Easter so here are some random bunny things that I found entertaining...

Killer Bunnies and the Journey to Jupiter.

I'm still not quite clear on what this is, but they have multiple "boosters" in many different colors also available for purchase. I'm not going to read the description and just make up my own. Inside the box is a rabbit. You pick what color the rabbit is going to be when it grows up (different colors give the rabbits different strengths). The rabbit has this quest that it must accomplish. In this instance, it has to make it to Jupiter. Your job, or your part in the "game" is to attempt to help the rabbit on its quest to get to Jupiter and you win the game when the rabbit gets to this far away planet. You better watch out though, this is a killer rabbit and it could kill you in your sleep. Therefore, speed is of the essence. You want to get rid of this killer bunny ASAP.

Book of Bunny

Suicides.

If you think about it, this could be very graphic and disturbing. But its not. I even gave it as Valentines Day present once...

Really, what is it with bunnies and dying? Another example... Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog. This rabbit has "nasty, big pointy teeth" and eats several knights in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Watch out, this rabbit has "a viscious streak a mile wide!" You can even buy slippers made to look like "the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered creature you ever set eyes on."

I'm not sure what it is with rabbits and death, but it seems to be working. Lets just hope other popular rabbits don't try and go this route (Trix Rabbit, Nesquik Rabbit, Energizer Bunny, Thumper, Peter Cottontail...)

And if you want to see something really weird & rabbity... try this.

I'm not fourteen, but...

2009-03-21T15:32:00.000-04:00

I own all of the Twilight books, and even though I didn't go to a midnight release party of the DVD this past Saturday, I did go see the movie twice. I recently learned that Stephenie Meyer (the author) wrote the first book from Edwards point of view and never published it. It was leaked online, so she ended up posting it on her website. I've read the first 40 pages and I'm pretty hooked.

http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/midnightsun.html

why decorating your cube can be a bad idea...

2009-03-06T19:45:00.004-05:00

An undecorated cube at work means that you are a very boring person (so I decorated mine). I sit and stare all day at the Cute Overload Calendar and some pictures taken at the Lion Shrine. All of the sitting and staring got me to thinking one day... I'll just explain my entire train of thought.

When you're a Senior at Penn State, you get the opportunity to suggest and vote on Senior Class Gifts. I always wanted my class to be remembered by something awesome, so while walking around campus I'd try to think of neat things. Some of the more memorable class gifts are the HUB aquariums, Sundial on Old Main lawn, LION SHRINE. Being that was supposed to graduate in 2008, I associated with that gift the most. 2008 gave the gift of... [drumroll] "Gateway Element at Atherton and Curtin Roads." BOOO.

So back to my sitting and staring... looking at pictures of cute kittens, and a giant cat statue, kittens, Nittany Lion, kittehs, statue... both awesome things... Why not combine them?!

Here's my Senior Class Gift Idea: Nittany Kitten!

Think of all the people that take pictures with the Lion. How many little kids, or kitten lovers take pictures there too? Wouldn't they love a Nittany Kitten to take pictures with? I know I would. The Nittany Lion was a kitten once, so its completely legit. Anyways, I've included some artist renderings (photos from Google Image Search) of the proposed statue.

I put WHAT in my hair?!

2009-02-22T11:44:00.004-05:00

While showering, I was reading the labels on the shampoo & soap whatnot like I normally do. I realized they had some really awkward ingredients. Since when is it normal to put pearls and satin in something that goes in my hair? Or "extracts of sea algae"? I have acai blueberry yogurt, and acai berries in my conditioner? I don't even know what acai is... Then I realize I'm putting butter cream all over me, along with some cocoa, shea, and mango butter.

Next time I'm buy shampoo and conditioner, I want a fusion of bacon and gold. That'd be a good shampoo.

ImmoralCoho tells me about Islam...

2009-02-16T00:31:00.001-05:00

see RipenedCoho

not just for old ladies...

2009-02-13T21:37:00.007-05:00

After almost five years of college and having homework every night, its weird not having ANYTHING to do when I get home from work (other than adult things, like pay bills, grocery shop, make dinner). After a week or so of watching everything on TV, and realizing how much TV sucks, I realized I needed a hobby.

I'm not a very good artist, so painting was out. My apartment came "pre-decorated" (they painted one wall not white), so I can't redecorate or remodel my apartment. I could shop all the time, but I'd need unlimited money (basically $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$).

What do I do?!

A few kids I know crochet their own hats/headbands/other crocheted items (see Knitter 'engineers' hats for friends, customers, etc...) so I thought I'd give it a try. After MANY unsuccessful tries, I finally got the hang of it. Here are some of my favorite videos/sites for beginning to crochet:

Learn to Crochet - Free Instructions and Patterns
How to Crochet (videos)
Quamut (good for learning half double, double and triple crochet)
Lion Brand Yarn
KnitWitch (videos)

missing flavors.

2009-01-26T17:35:00.007-05:00

Have you ever noticed in grocery stores that there are more flavors of Yoplait Light yogurt than the Original kind? I always like to try new flavors when buying yogurt, but really want the fat-included, lots of calories kind of yogurt, not the fat-free, low calorie kind. I'm always disappointed because all of the "fun" flavors are in the Light variety.

I checked the Yoplait website and the Original

variety has 25 flavors, while the Light kind has 21. In the stores, the ratio is probably 2 Light flavors for every 1 Original flavor. Lets fix this flavor injustice, call your local grocery store, and ask for the real yogurt.

Thanks.

I hate Vikings.

2009-01-25T22:06:00.003-05:00

At 12:58 pm, I officially ruined my entire Sunday. I spent the majority of the rest of the day saving Vikings from the perils of the icy sea. Please don't begin saving the Vikings unless you can commit a few hours to the rescue effort. Link

DataDrivenCoho

2009-01-24T10:56:00.001-05:00

see RipenedCoho

a usability analysis.

2009-01-20T17:59:00.009-05:00

I've lived many different places in the past 5 years. From the Penn State dorms, to K4, to a condo in Chapel Hill, to a almost new townhome in Raleigh, to a new apartment building at Penn State, to my current apartment in Conshohocken. With these six or so different residences, I've experienced many different microwaves. Yes, microwaves.

Somehow, with my awesome microwave abilities, I got the microwaves in the dorms to say CHILD and not work. Our K4 microwave just had a little knob that you turned to set the time, I could handle that. Very easy to understand user interface.

My first experience with a newer style microwave was in my townhome in Raleigh. This microwave had the "popcorn" button and beeped every minute if you didn't open it after your food was done. That was so annoying. Don't they know that Lean Cuisine has to sit a few minutes before you eat it?

These new microwaves have buttons for about everything. My parents just got a new microwave and I still don't know how to use it. All I want in life is a microwave that defrosts, cooks, and maybe even times. I don't want a popcorn button. I don't need a potato button. WTH does the Melt button do? Being forced to look-up codes to use the Defrost button, thats terrible usability.

My current apartment just got a brand new microwave, and while I like that its all shiny and clean, I hate 21 of the 35 buttons. I only like the numbers 0-9, Start, Stop, Power and Cook Time. Inside the microwave is a huge table of numbers that I don't even want to look at. I'd rather just guess how long to defrost a dinner plate, or cook a pizza, or soften...whatever you'd soften in the microwave.

I just tried to use the microwave, and left it the kitchen while I let it do its thing. It beeped at me, multiple times while I was trying to defrost chicken. Halfway for turning, and at one minute, to warn me? Then it beeped when it was done. Then a minute after that, and a minute after that...

Those microwave designers must think we all wanna be spaceship pilots with all those buttons. I think they should be fired for their terrible user interface and usability.

Congratulations Jason & Caitlin!

2009-01-17T17:00:00.001-05:00

A few of my favorite Twitter things

2009-01-16T20:39:00.009-05:00

If Twitter has taken over your life, you're not alone. If it hasn't, shame on you, go join. Below I've gathered some of my favorite Twitter "tools". Tons more exist, so if I missed your favorite, let me know!

Qwitter is a tool that helps you figure out when someone unfollows you (gasp!) on Twitter, and the last tweet you tweeted before that mean person unfollowed you. All you have to do is sign up with your twitter username and email, and they'll email you when someone decides to pull your plug on twitter. I hope I won't be getting many of those emails after I post this... http://useqwitter.com/

This site is a great tool for those people who are OCD about making sure they only follow active Twitterers. I had a few friends that joined, and then decided Twitter was not for them (Pat), or an a great idea of a Twitter account that just never took off (StateCollegePD). MyCleenr goes through your Twitter friends and sorts they by the time they tweeted last. It was interesting to see how infrequently some people tweet. You can even delete Twitter friends right from their site (harsh, I know, but someone has to do it). http://www.mycleenr.com/mycleenr

Some of my good friends have found me on Twitter just because I was friends with their friend (Caitlin). Instead of stalking who your friends are @-ing, use Twubble. This site searches your friends friends and picks out people that you might like to follow. http://crazybob.org/twubble/

My favorite, and nerdiest Twitter related site has to be TweetStats. This awesome site gives you most any statistic you can think of related to your Twitter account. From how many tweets per day (tpd) to Tweet Density to Daily Tweets, Hourly Tweets, to Interface used to a Tweet Cloud. TweetStats provides hours (maybe I'm just weird) of entertainment analyzing your tweets. I found out my top 5 Twittered words were going, good, fun, today and think. I tweet most on Wednesdays, and somehow, have tweeted every single hour of the day, but 3pm seems to be the high point with 62. http://tweetstats.com/

I hope you have as much fun with these as I did, because if you don't that just means I'm really nerdy.

Telemarketers...

2009-01-08T16:48:00.005-05:00

A telemarketer called my house today. Here is what I remember from the conversation:

Telemarketer: I'm calling from Omega [something]. Have you seen our commercials on tv? They're on CNN, History Channel etc...

Me: I don't watch TV.

Telemarketer: Me either. We're a new company in the area and we'd like to give you a free estimate on a home remodeling project. Can I ask a few questions?

Me: Sure

...So she goes on and on suggesting things that I would need fixed, windows, siding, doors, roof. I kindly let her know that we've replaced everything in the house in the past 5 years...

Telemarketer: Are there any other home remodeling projects you were thinking of?

Me: A tunnel.

Telemarketer: A tunnel?

Me: Yeah, the mailbox is really far away and it gets so cold in the winter, it'd be great if I could just go through my tunnel to the mailbox.

Telemarketer: How far is your mailbox?

Me: About 300 yards, its really far.

Telemarketer: [thinking] Well that is a good idea, I'm not sure if we can do that, can I call you back?

Me: Sure

I was pretty sure that the telemarketer had given up on me and my tunnel. I had developed a pretty bad accent/lisp during the phone call and was asking her to dig a 300 yard tunnel from my house to the mailbox.

A few minutes later though, the phone rings...

Telemarketer: Hello, Ms. Graham?

Me: Yup, hi.

Telemarketer: We wouldnt know how to do that. We don't know how to do tunnels.

Me: Oh darn.

Telemarketer: Do you know anyone who would make a tunnel?

Me: Well I imagine if I pay enough money, someone would make me a tunnel.

Telemarketer: True. Are there any other projects that you'd like done, like a gameroom?

Me: I don't play games. Its against my religion.

Telemarketer: Well a game room would be a place where you could sit down and watch TV...

Me: TV is against my religion.

Telemarketer: Oh... what is your religion?

Me: I'd rather not talk about it.

Telemarketer: Well... If you do think of any projects you'd like a free estimate on, you can look us up in the phone book.

No tunnel for me. Fail.

Western PA Lawn "Art"

2009-01-06T23:49:00.007-05:00

Note: These are not actual pictures, however, very similar instances do exist in Indiana, Pa

Art can come in many different forms. Top Gear recently said the Alfa Romeo 8C was "a centerfold...fourteen feet of art." However, the 8C is 159,300 euros or $205,000 US Dollars. I don't think many people in Western PA can have the 8C sit in their yard as a piece of "art." So what do people in Indiana put in their yard to decorate?

Toilets. Yes, toilets. Maybe this was part of a neighbor feud, but a house less than one mile from mine has two toilets (with plants in them) outside...

Flamingos. I admit, I've put flamingos in yards before - but it was to raise money for my church youth group. People would pay to "flamingo" someone elses yard, and then the unlucky family had to pay to get them removed. It was alot of fun to try and stealthily put 30+ flamingos in a yard without getting caught. Problem is, some people really have them as decorations.

Fake Deer. Now this, I really don't understand. We have enough deer around here that you can look out your window and see real living deer instead of a badly painted replica. Nevertheless, fake deer lawn ornaments are very popular. Usually seen in small groups of two or three, these deer are a great addition to the Western PA lawn.

Dish Network Likes Notes

2009-01-04T12:03:00.005-05:00

So I decided to call back the Dish Network people and try a different approach. I had a lady answer this time who seemed nice, so I was nice to her. I brought up the issue of the DVR fee that should have been waived. She went back through our account comments (many of which were wrong) and agreed to transfer me to a person who could deal with the problem.

While on hold, I wrote them a note:When I got off hold, the fee was waived, no problem. So my advice, if you have problems with Dish Network, write a note.

Dish Network Customer Service Hates Me

2008-12-29T17:08:00.001-05:00

If Dish Network has a list of hated customers, I'm on it. Over Thanksgiving break, I realized that I was going to be very unhappy without Bravo and FX, so I convinced my parents to upgrade. I checked out DirecTv and they had some pretty nice specials (for six months...) so I called up DishNetwork and said that I was going to switch to DIrecTV. This transferred me to an "Account Specialist", supposedly someone with power. With this "Account Specialist," I got permission to change the account (they had to ask my Dad to approve me),cancelled the Dish Home Protection Plan (a $6 monthly charge), upgraded to a DVR (for free) and to the Top 200 (so I could have Bravo, FX, Speed, etc...) and got a $10 monthly discount on our account for a year.

These changes seemed simple, just remove one monthly fee, add another $10 credit, change from Top 100 to Top 200. Sounds easy right? Something that would happen often...

Well my parents got their bill, and instead of the expected $48, it was $86. Now I know I'm not a mathematician, but $48 != $86. When I had talked to my "Account Specialist" in November, I had confirmed that there would be no fees, no things that I wasn't aware of, everything was taken care of, etc etc. They lied.

Our $86 bill had the Dish Home Protection Plan (that I had cancelled), fees that I wasn't aware of, and was missing our $10 monthly discount.

So I call up Dish Network, talk to a robot for a bit, then isten to some music for 10 minutes or so, then finally talk to a real human being. I go through my list of problems and we try to fix these one by one.

First problem, Dish Home Protection Plan is on our bill, even though I cancelled it in NOvember. Dish Man reads the comments on the account, and cannot find where I ever cancelled it. So I ask to re-cancel it. Guess what, I now don't have the authority to do anything on the account, so I have to go find my parents, so they can say "OK" into the phone and I can now re-cancel the Dish Home Protection Plan. We now have to pay a month of this pro-rated Dish Home Protection Plan because they didn't cancel it right the first time, so here's an extra $5.60 for something I canceled a month ago.

Second problem, DISH Network DVR Service Fee $5.98. A fee? I thought I asked about fees and there were none. Well here's a fee. They lied, again. Dish Man has no authority to cancel or waive this fee. Fine, whatever, he can win on this one, for now.

Third problem, Programming Access Fee $5.00. A fee? I thought I asked about fees and there were none. Well here's a fee. They lied, again. This is because our DVR is supposedly not hooked up to a phone line (it is). So I run all of the tests, and surprise! Its hooked up to a working phone line. They screwed up. We ran these tests when we first got the DVR on December 5, and pretty sure nothing has changed since then. I win. + $5 for me.

Fourth problem,

Dec 05 - Dec 26 Digital Home Advantage with Top 200 $35.45

Nov 30 - Dec 26 DishDVR Advantage $9.54

So these two charges add up to $44.99, but they begin on different days. I'm not sure why there is a six day difference in the beginning of fees, or why we had to pay the DishDVR Advantage Fee when we didn't even have the DVR from Nov 30 - Dec 05, but I'm tired of arguing with DishMan at this point. We try to compare charges on the bill, and guess what, he has completely different

numbers. Dish Network can't look at the same copy of the bill that the customer gets. Does that make ANY sense at all? If I call in about a $9.54 charge that I don't understand, it doesn't even show up on the customer service rep's copy.

Fifth problem, our monthly $10 discount isn't anywhere on our bill. It's on the Dish Man's copy. He has our total as being $76, while ours says $86. It got put on AFTER the bill was sent. Now how did all these lovely fees get added on, but not our discount? Sounds fishy.

These customer service people leave comments, so other operators can read back through and see what we've done to our account. Dish Man read back through alot of them today, and I'm sure added alot of mean comments about me as well. What can I say, I like to give them a challenge. They're going to have to update those comments again, because I plan on having yet another long discussion with them soon about getting rid of these fees...

How to Make a Chirstmas Tree... Graham Style

2008-12-21T22:47:00.003-05:00

Putting up the Christmas tree is always an interesting experience at my house. We've used five gallon buckets wired to a plywood base (screwed to the floor), or the tree wired to the window... but this year was something entirely different.

Think about the Charlie Brown Christmas tree - thats kind of what ours started out looking like. How do you fix that?

Drill holes in the tree, and add more branches, obviously.

Oh, and tie the branches up with fishing wire...

My Crazy Kitten

2008-12-21T22:42:00.003-05:00

RipenedCoho?

2008-12-11T14:48:00.003-05:00

For the past few months, I've been getting IM's from the screen names adjectiveCoho. Today, RipenedCoho talked to me. This time I decided to respond and it turns out it was someone named Leah.

The Coho "bot" relays messages between two unsuspecting IM users. It has something to do with LiveJournal, but either way its kind of creepy. I had no idea what Coho was when they contacted me the first few times. My only thought was that it was some sort of bad word that I didn't know the meaning of (which is partially true).

This Coho bot is part of TheGreatHatsby, which I found from wikipedia. I feel special that TheGreatHatsby has chosen to contact me. But now, since I've talked to the random confused person on the other side, I'd be okay if they never contact me again. Lets hope this works.

Dear GreatHatsby,

I hate your stinkin guts. You make me vomit. You're the scum between my toes.

Love,

Alexis

I'm so close to winning the game of College

2008-12-09T00:02:00.001-05:00

With only one week of college left, its time to procrastinate and blog. After living in State College for four years, I'm going to miss some of the unique things about Happy Valley. Walking to class, you can't be surprised at anything you see. I've seen a hoarde of almost naked people protesting sweatshops walking down Pollock (and was photographed in the background, published front page in the Collegian), kids on a rope, the Chicken Man, the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile, tightrope walkers in the trees on the Mall...you get my point.

I've had many fun explorations here, finding Easter Eggs in January around campus, posing with the children statue near the Alumni Center, going to the Circus in the BJC, a LAN party (...), and many more that I can't remember now - but I'm sure they were fun.

In eight days, I have to squeeze in so many things that I have left to do. The Collegian has their own list of "10 things to do before graduation." Only a few of them really look interesting:

I have to get a tatoo. I'm thinking paw prints?
Trek up Mount Nittany. Now this I'm not so sure of, I'm not a fan of the cold.
Adopt a bench. How about a computer chair in the castle (IST)? And I already have a tree.

Penn State has been featured in some national "What to do before you graduate" lists. As Penn Staters we're supposed to camp out at Paternoville and order a pint of Peachy Paterno at the Creamery. I've missed camping out for Paternoville - I'm okay with that. I stood in line my freshman year and got first row seats, we had a losing season, but it was still an amazing experience. Since the Creamery moved, I've been there only twice. I did drive past JoePa's house - didn't see him though. I need to eat at the Waffle Shop, buy my Penn State Alumni apparel, and many many more things. Any more suggestions?

Note: 8 minutes after I posted this, the Senior Class Gift people called me...weird.

I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys R Us kid...

2008-11-18T03:33:00.001-05:00

So supposedly its almost Christmas since there are decorations in every store, music on the radio, christmas movies on tv. If you got the memo that we're skipping Thanksgiving this year and going straight to Christmas, please forward it to me.

I figured I better get my Christmas list in order quickly because I'm scared that it might take awhile to get to the North Pole because of global warming. I've decided that toys now are way cooler than toys when I was a kid, so I've decided to highlight some of them for you, so you can be jealous of your 8-year old cousins too.

Spinmaster Air Hogs Zero Gravity Micro Car - Seriously, Santa is gonna make kids write this 7-word, 42-character toy on their lists? IT CAN DEFY GRAVITY! What else do you want in a toy? Racing cars on the walls sounds like it would be awesome. It uses "patented vortex technology", whatever that is, I want one.

This sweet helmet is part of the Playskool Adventure Squad. Also available as a Police helmet. I like the racecar one alot better. Can you imagine driving down the road wearing one of these helmets? It lights up and makes racing sounds. I didn't read any place where it discouraged wearing it while operating a real life vehicle, I guess the only problem would be the helmet dimensions, built for a preschooler, 9.75"L x 9.75"W.

I never had a Furby when I was little, not even a Tamagotchi when they were cool. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't get one of these from Santa either, even though they'd be at the very top of my list. Say hello to Kota and D-Rex.

Kota, on the left, is a three foot tall triceratops that comes to "life." It even comes with a leafy snack! Good thing triceratops are herbivores. Can you imagine making a three foot tall velociraptor that children feed?

D-Rex, although a carnivore, won't eat your children. However, he will attack on command. D-Rex is described as a ferocious dinosaur. I'd be kind of scared to see what that means really. (Have you seen Chucky??)

Anyways, I'd suggest the Pleo. Its a week old baby Camarasaurus that will "grow" and learn from experiences and develop an individual personality. Pleo eats leafy greens and has a mini-USB port (very important for baby dinosaurs nowadays... we don't want them becoming extinct again, do we?)

Regulating Tweets

2008-11-11T21:34:00.001-05:00

Blogger note: Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Don't have conversations on twitter. If you find yourself @'ing the person multiple times to find out where you're meeting for tea, call them, or at the very least direct message.
Please watch your alcoholic intake before tweeting. Drunken tweets are confusing for others.
Keep it within a few hours. @'ing someone 8-hours after they tweeted causes a lot of confusion for other people who have to search back through tweets to find the specific tweet that you are just now referring to.
Tweets usually arrive in groups of two or more. This is an unnamed phenomenon.
Don't follow hundreds or thousands of random people. Do you really need to know what Sally in Alaska is doing all day if you don't know Sally?
Twitter allows 140 characters. Just 140 characters. They provide a nice character counter too. This is 140 characters, do not exceed 140.
Really though, all of those rules are unimportant and the biggest rule of all is TWITTER. Not updating is the worst thing you could ever do. Don't be a Twitter Fail Whale.

The Mythical Creature - The Fanboy

2008-11-06T02:02:00.001-05:00

Wikipedia describes this term as "any individual who is devoted to a single subject in an emotional or fanatical manner, or to a single point of view within that subject, often to the point where it is considered an obsession." How do you become this obsessed? What responsibilities are required of a "fanboy"?

Just as an example, not to point out any person in particular, lets say we had an Apple fanboy. What would be some characteristics of an Apple fanboy?

Items that would be on the fanboy or within 7 feet at all times:	MacBook (only the newest "metal" one), iPhone (3G), Apple iPod earphones
Lifestyle changes from pre-fanboy:	Constant access to the internet, music, email, instant messaging, and Twitter
Frequented websites of the fanboy:	macrumors, appleinsider, techcrunch
Words commonly used by the fanboy:	zomg, plzkthxbai, probs, maybs, poss, n00b, ijwd (abbreviation for "i just wanna dance"), lolz
Customary activities of the fanboy:	blogging, coding, geeking
Heroes:	Steve Jobs
Favorite Drinks:	Red Bull
Topics they love to talk about:	New Apple technologies (the ambient light sensor, the no button track pad and how it will probably get a firmware upgrade soon, how the metal laptop is lighter and slimmer than the previous versions, the battery that takes a long time to charge, etc...)
Life Goal:	Be a hax0rz