The Best Thank You Note Ever

Dear Alexis,

Thank you for the backpack. My laptop fits nicely inside and likes it very much. It fits well on my back and I can put alot of stuff in it and it is very nice. I like the color, its like you read my mind.

Thanks alot,

Patrick

A Guide To Naming an RV

Just in case you ever find yourself in the situation where you need to come up with a name or a design for an RV, here are some tips. (Actual RV names are in bold)

1. Think of adventurous words. You want your RV to elicit the feeling of extreme adventure. Some examples would be Escape, Freestyle, Fun Finder, Grand Surveyor, Nomad, Passport, Trail Runner, Wanderer.
   
   
2. Once you have your adverture word, think of some places that would be awesome to take an RV. Possibly Antigua, Aruba, Copper Canyon, Emerald Bay, Flagstaff, Frontier, Malibu. Make sure you come up with witty names such as New Horizons, Next Level, Open Road, it makes driving one so much more fun.
   
   
3. While we're at it, might as well think of some places that people would wonder "why the hell is an RV going there?". Places like Orbit, Space Craft, Vortex.
   
   
4. You want your RV to seem as spacious and homey inside, might as well name it after some sort of permanent residence. For example, Bunkhouse, Cabana, Chateau, Eggcamper, Hideout.
   
   
5. There is nothing better than naming your RV after a weird wild animal. These are afterall, the RV's that can get the best illustrations on the sides. Animals like Arctic Fox, Bigfoot, Burro, Cougar, Coyote, Cub, Desert Fox, Eagle, Golden Falcon, Hornet, Innsbruck, Lynx, Mallard, Prowler, Puma, Raptor, Roadrunner.
   
   
6. If you're going after a different crowd, one that might not like the wild animals, try some of these: G-Force, Nitrous, N'Tense, Octane ZX, Trilium, Xtreme, Zoom.
   
   
7. Everyone loves a cutesy little misspelling as well, things like Wee kender, Kustom Koach, Komfort.
   
   
8. Maybe something patriotic? All American Sport, Ameri-lite, Olympian, Pace American, Presidential, Spirit of America, Victory Lane.
   
   
9. If you really haven't come up with a name yet, check out these pictures and maybe you'll be inspired.

How long is too long?

Driving home the other day, the voice in my car radio announced a new song. The new song began playing, and a few seconds into it, I realized that this wasn't a new song at all. The song had been out at least three months, if not longer. How can you label that as new?

When someone says new, I think brand new. For example, these are my new shoes. I bought them yesterday. They will be known as my new shoes until a) I buy a new "new" pair of shoes or b) they lose their luster and "new" appeal (approximately two-three wears). I'm not sure how the definition of new works on radio, but I think the radio stations have a way different definition of new than I do. As a radio station, "new" must be any song that has been released within the past 274 days (just a guess).

If we think about it, if my shoes get "not new" after two or three wears, songs would get "not new" at the same rate. I listen to the radio about an hour a day while driving to and from work. Each song is around three minutes, but there are probably twenty minutes of commercials/talking an hour. So in a typical day of radio listening, I hear about 13 songs. Thats hopefully an exclusive set of songs, but knowing radio, most likely I've heard many repeats.

I'm sure you know that radio stations have their choice songs that they play basically every other song. Summer of 2005 it was Brad Paisley's The World. I can't listen to that song to this day. Anyways, with all my calculations and magical equations, a song will get "not new" for me in about a week.

If my new songs get not new in one week, and radio stations think songs can be new for a year, we have a major misunderstanding. Point of the story is, I need to not get my hopes up when the radio station announces a new song.

And don't even get me started on new releases at Blockbuster...

Flying kittens...

Southwest will be allowing pets in the cabin for flights beginning June 17, 2009. Even though I don't like the thoughts of pets on planes because I immediately think of Homeward Bound (where the pets escape from the airport and get lost in the wilderness), it is nice that Southwest is thinking of people with pets. I have just a few comments on their new policy...

Southwest Airlines will only accept small cats and dogs in carriers that can be stowed under the Customer's seat.

A small cat. What is a small cat? I thought I've seen alot of cats throughout my life, and most of the cats I've seen have been approximately the same size. Yes, there are varying sizes of cats at different times of their lives, for example, a 2-week old kitten is substantially smaller than a 2 year old kitten. That would be very weird if a 2-week old kitten was the same size as a 2-year old kitten.

I'm no cat expert, so I thought I'd check the internets to see if I was missing anything huge.

• Cats typically weigh between 5.5 and 16 lbs. That doesn't seem like a big difference for an airline.
• Cats average 9-10 inches in height, about 18 inches long, and a tail length of 11.8 inches. Seems like a pretty small size, something that would easily fit in a cat carrier.

So, really what is Southwest talking about with "small cats". A Maine Coon, which is a larger breed of cat, can exceed 25 lbs. Last year, a 44 lb cat (Prince Chunk) was found in Philly. The largest cat on record is 46 lb 15.25 oz. So I can see why Southwest might be against flying these larger cats across the friendly skys, but I still can't figure out what a "small cat" is. Is a small cat simply a not 44 lb cat?

Wikipedia tells me, the smallest cat ever on record was 3 lbs. Now that is a small cat. I just read entirely too much about dwarf, midget and miniature cats, but they seem rare enough that I doubt Southwest will only fly your cat if its a dwarf cat.

So really, what is a small cat?

Sky Mall

Sky Mall has some amazing finds. See plzkthxbai. I've found some thought provoking products while perusing this pleasant magazine.

Is this Sleeping Beauty? Why is this woman sleeping with a rose? Is that safe?

Why is the Mom out the window and down the ladder before her kids if her house is on fire?

Spanish Bandits Through Time

Spanish Bandits have caused many troubles in my life...

I thought I'd search through time and see what other kinds of trouble they caused. Turns out, they're pretty nasty.

Dilated Peoples even mention them in their song "Heavy Rotation"...

Drinkin Jose Cuervo like some spanish bandits

I bet classy Spanish Bandits drink Patron. Apparently they like to hang out at winerys though...

I just hope you never have to experience the wrath of Spanish Bandits...

I love fonts.

I found a totally nerdy game that I wish I was better at. It shows you a few letters in different fonts, and you have to "shoot" the correct one. I'm pretty decent at the fonts that come default with Word, but... Clarendon Light, Bliss Light?

(play here)

Another cool, yet nerdy font thing that I enjoy... Kinetic Typography. There are a bunch of videos on YouTube if you search for that... This is one of my favorites.

the over the door cat climber.

An ad from Hammacher Schlemmer:

The Over The Door Cat Climber: This is the

out-of-the-way, door-hung apparatus that allows cats to exercise their feline propensity for climbing, stretching, pouncing, and lounging in an elevated position. Four fully carpeted 17" L x 8 1/2" W x 1" thick platforms that stimulate cats' natural curiosities attach to a wooden support pole covered with a sheath of sisal fiber that encourages scratching for healthy claw and muscle development.The platforms provide secure sleeping places for cats without taking up extra space. The pole has a bracket that attaches easily and securely to the top of doors (a spring-loaded bracket fits to the bottom of doors for easy installation), yet it is light enough to allow you to move it from door to door as you please, providing more interest for cats; doors can be closed while the climber is attached.

All I can picture is a cat sleeping on this thing, someone opening the door and the cat flying off.

my thoughts on rabbits.

Its getting close to Easter so here are some random bunny things that I found entertaining...

Killer Bunnies and the Journey to Jupiter.

I'm still not quite clear on what this is, but they have multiple "boosters" in many different colors also available for purchase. I'm not going to read the description and just make up my own. Inside the box is a rabbit. You pick what color the rabbit is going to be when it grows up (different colors give the rabbits different strengths). The rabbit has this quest that it must accomplish. In this instance, it has to make it to Jupiter. Your job, or your part in the "game" is to attempt to help the rabbit on its quest to get to Jupiter and you win the game when the rabbit gets to this far away planet. You better watch out though, this is a killer rabbit and it could kill you in your sleep. Therefore, speed is of the essence. You want to get rid of this killer bunny ASAP.

Book of Bunny

Suicides.

If you think about it, this could be very graphic and disturbing. But its not. I even gave it as Valentines Day present once...

Really, what is it with bunnies and dying? Another example... Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog. This rabbit has "nasty, big pointy teeth" and eats several knights in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Watch out, this rabbit has "a viscious streak a mile wide!" You can even buy slippers made to look like "the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered creature you ever set eyes on."

I'm not sure what it is with rabbits and death, but it seems to be working. Lets just hope other popular rabbits don't try and go this route (Trix Rabbit, Nesquik Rabbit, Energizer Bunny, Thumper, Peter Cottontail...)

And if you want to see something really weird & rabbity... try this.

I'm not fourteen, but...

I own all of the Twilight books, and even though I didn't go to a midnight release party of the DVD this past Saturday, I did go see the movie twice. I recently learned that Stephenie Meyer (the author) wrote the first book from Edwards point of view and never published it. It was leaked online, so she ended up posting it on her website. I've read the first 40 pages and I'm pretty hooked.

http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/midnightsun.html

why decorating your cube can be a bad idea...

An undecorated cube at work means that you are a very boring person (so I decorated mine).  I sit and stare all day at the Cute Overload Calendar and some pictures taken at the Lion Shrine.  All of the sitting and staring got me to thinking one day... I'll just explain my entire train of thought.

When you're a Senior at Penn State, you get the opportunity to suggest and vote on Senior Class Gifts.  I always wanted my class to be remembered by something awesome, so while walking around campus I'd try to think of neat things.  Some of the more memorable class gifts are the HUB aquariums, Sundial on Old Main lawn,  LION SHRINE.  Being that was supposed to graduate in 2008, I associated with that gift the most.  2008 gave the gift of... [drumroll] "Gateway Element at Atherton and Curtin Roads." BOOO.

So back to my sitting and staring... looking at pictures of cute kittens, and a giant cat statue, kittens, Nittany Lion, kittehs, statue...  both awesome things... Why not combine them?!

Here's my Senior Class Gift Idea: Nittany Kitten!

Think of all the people that take pictures with the Lion.  How many little kids, or kitten lovers take pictures there too?  Wouldn't they love a Nittany Kitten to take pictures with?   I know I would.  The Nittany Lion was a kitten once, so its completely legit.  Anyways, I've included some artist renderings (photos from Google Image Search) of the proposed statue.

I put WHAT in my hair?!

While showering, I was reading the labels on the shampoo & soap whatnot like I normally do. I realized they had some really awkward ingredients. Since when is it normal to put pearls and satin in something that goes in my hair? Or "extracts of sea algae"? I have acai blueberry yogurt, and acai berries in my conditioner? I don't even know what acai is... Then I realize I'm putting butter cream all over me, along with some cocoa, shea, and mango butter. 

Next time I'm buy shampoo and conditioner, I want a fusion of bacon and gold.  That'd be a good shampoo.

ImmoralCoho tells me about Islam...

see RipenedCoho

not just for old ladies...

After almost five years of college and having homework every night, its weird not having ANYTHING to do when I get home from work (other than adult things, like pay bills, grocery shop, make dinner).  After a week or so of watching everything on TV, and realizing how much TV sucks, I realized I needed a hobby.

I'm not a very good artist, so painting was out.  My apartment came "pre-decorated" (they painted one wall not white), so I can't redecorate or remodel my apartment. I could shop all the time, but I'd need unlimited money (basically $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$).  

What do I do?!

A few kids I know crochet their own hats/headbands/other crocheted items (see Knitter 'engineers' hats for friends, customers, etc...)  so I thought I'd give it a try.  After MANY unsuccessful tries, I finally got the hang of it.  Here are some of my favorite videos/sites for beginning to crochet:

• Learn to Crochet - Free Instructions and Patterns
  
• How to Crochet (videos)
• Quamut (good for learning half double, double and triple crochet)
  
• Lion Brand Yarn
  
• KnitWitch (videos) 

missing flavors.

Have you ever noticed in grocery stores that there are more flavors of Yoplait Light yogurt than the Original kind?  I always like to try new flavors when buying yogurt, but really want the fat-included, lots of calories kind of yogurt, not the fat-free, low calorie kind.  I'm always disappointed because all of the "fun" flavors are in the Light variety. 

I checked the Yoplait website and the Original

 variety has 25 flavors, while the Light kind has 21.  In the stores, the ratio is probably 2 Light flavors for every 1 Original flavor.  Lets fix this flavor injustice, call your local grocery store, and ask for the real yogurt.

Thanks.

I hate Vikings.

At 12:58 pm, I officially ruined my entire Sunday. I spent the majority of the rest of the day saving Vikings from the perils of the icy sea.   Please don't begin saving the Vikings unless you can commit a few hours to the rescue effort.   Link

a usability analysis.

I've lived many different places in the past 5 years.  From the Penn State dorms, to K4, to a condo in Chapel Hill, to a almost new townhome in Raleigh, to a new apartment building at Penn State, to my current apartment in Conshohocken.  With these six or so different residences, I've experienced many different microwaves.  Yes, microwaves.

Somehow, with my awesome microwave abilities, I got the microwaves in the dorms to say CHILD and not work.  Our K4 microwave just had a little knob that you turned to set the time, I could handle that.  Very easy to understand user interface.

My first experience with a newer style microwave was in my townhome in Raleigh.  This microwave had the "popcorn" button and beeped every minute if you didn't open it after your food was done.  That was so annoying.  Don't they know that Lean Cuisine has to sit a few minutes before you eat it?

These new microwaves have buttons for about everything.  My parents just got a new microwave and I still don't know how to use it.  All I want in life is a microwave that defrosts, cooks, and maybe even times.  I don't want a popcorn button.  I don't need a potato button.  WTH does the Melt button do?  Being forced to look-up codes to use the Defrost button, thats terrible usability.  

My current apartment just got a brand new microwave, and while I like that its all shiny and clean, I hate 21 of the 35 buttons.  I only like the numbers 0-9, Start, Stop, Power and Cook Time.  Inside the microwave is a huge table of numbers that I don't even want to look at.  I'd rather just guess how long to defrost a dinner plate, or cook a pizza, or soften...whatever you'd soften in the microwave.  

I just tried to use the microwave, and left it the kitchen while I let it do its thing.  It beeped at me, multiple times while I was trying to defrost chicken.  Halfway for turning, and at one minute, to warn me? Then it beeped when it was done.  Then a minute after that, and a minute after that...

Those microwave designers must think we all wanna be spaceship pilots with all those buttons.  I think they should be fired for their terrible user interface and usability.

Telemarketers...

A telemarketer called my house today.  Here is what I remember from the conversation:

Telemarketer: I'm calling from Omega [something].  Have you seen our commercials on tv?  They're on CNN, History Channel etc...

Me: I don't watch TV.  

Telemarketer: Me either.  We're a new company in the area and we'd like to give you a free estimate on a home remodeling project.  Can I ask a few questions?

Me: Sure

...So she goes on and on suggesting things that I would need fixed, windows, siding, doors, roof.  I kindly let her know that we've replaced everything in the house in the past 5 years...

Telemarketer: Are there any other home remodeling projects you were thinking of?

Me: A tunnel.

Telemarketer: A tunnel?

Me: Yeah, the mailbox is really far away and it gets so cold in the winter, it'd be great if I could just go through my tunnel to the mailbox.

Telemarketer: How far is your mailbox?

Me: About 300 yards, its really far.

Telemarketer: [thinking] Well that is a good idea, I'm not sure if we can do that, can I call you back?

Me: Sure

I was pretty sure that the telemarketer had given up on me and my tunnel.  I had developed a pretty bad accent/lisp during the phone call and was asking her to dig a 300 yard tunnel from my house to the mailbox. 

A few minutes later though, the phone rings...

Telemarketer: Hello, Ms. Graham?

Me: Yup, hi.

Telemarketer: We wouldnt know how to do that.  We don't know how to do tunnels.

Me: Oh darn.

Telemarketer:  Do you know anyone who would make a tunnel?

Me: Well I imagine if I pay enough money, someone would make me a tunnel.

Telemarketer: True.  Are there any other projects that you'd like done, like a gameroom?

Me: I don't play games.  Its against my religion.

Telemarketer: Well a game room would be a place where you could sit down and watch TV...

Me: TV is against my religion.

Telemarketer: Oh... what is your religion?

Me: I'd rather not talk about it.

Telemarketer: Well... If you do think of any projects you'd like a free estimate on, you can look us up in the phone book.

No tunnel for me.  Fail.

Western PA Lawn "Art"

Note: These are not actual pictures, however, very similar instances do exist in Indiana, Pa

Art can come in many different forms.  Top Gear recently said the Alfa Romeo 8C was "a centerfold...fourteen feet of art."  However, the 8C is 159,300 euros or $205,000 US Dollars.  I don't think many people in Western PA can have the 8C sit in their yard as a piece of "art."  So what do people in Indiana put in their yard to decorate?

Toilets.  Yes, toilets.  Maybe this was part of a neighbor feud, but a house less than one mile from mine has two toilets (with plants in them) outside...

Flamingos.  I admit, I've put flamingos in yards before - but it was to raise money for my church youth group.  People would pay to "flamingo" someone elses yard, and then the unlucky family had to pay to get them removed.  It was alot of fun to try and stealthily put 30+ flamingos in a yard without getting caught.  Problem is, some people really have them as decorations.

Fake Deer.  Now this, I really don't understand.  We have enough deer around here that you can look out your window and see real living deer instead of a badly painted replica.  Nevertheless, fake deer lawn ornaments are very popular.  Usually seen in small groups of two or three, these deer are a great addition to the Western PA lawn.