Thursday, September 16, 2010

BIG MEAN HORNED GOAT WANTED

BIG MEAN HORNED GOAT WANTED (250 mile radius from Pittsburgh Pa)

Date: 2010-09-15, 10:28AM ED



Do you have a mean goat in your heard?

I'm talking a really angry goat...


Is this goat too difficult to handle?

Always tries to ram you in the ass out of pure rage every time you turn your back...


Are your children in danger constant danger due to the unruly actions of this goat?

The kind of goat that bites...


Does this goat have large sharp scary horns?

Large enough to disturb the actions of a would-be burglar...


Would this goat make a good guard goat?

If you have said yes to all of these questions then...


YOU ARE IN LUCK THIS IS EXACTLY THE KIND OF GOAT I AM LOOKING FOR!!!



I am looking for a fairly large male goat of any variety, with the most monstrous, slice you to death kinda horns (preferably a 2 or more sets)

I want this goat to ram everything that moves, bites everything that its adorable little mouth can reach, and climbs to the heavens on top of anything that is physically scaleable...


I want an guard goat... an attack goat.

(and a biological grass cutter wouldn't hurt either)


I have a 6 foot fence around just under an acre of land for this goat to roam free in and graze until his little heart desires or is stuffed to the brim (whichever comes first)



He will have the best of vet care

He will have the best of food

He will have the freshest of water

He will have a heated indoor area to rest his huge badass horns at night

He will be treated with the utmost care and kindness (i just want him to be mean as fuck to begin with)

He will be my guard goat

I will even get his ass microchipped if you can even do that with goats in case the big bastard tries to completely doze the gate and make a run for it ("do not challenge the gate" <--- google that phrase if you haven't already seen that picture)


Anyways what I am trying to say is I want a mean as can be kinda goat.


If you have one

email me we will sit and talk


if you don't

then check with people you know that might, and tell them to check with people they know who might...


and if they still dont know anyone then

oh well i know someone in West Virginia defiantly will and ill post there too HAHAHA!


NO, but seriously... I want one

Thank you for you time to check this add













No part of this add was a joke either, hence the email address availability

So please do not hesitate to email me

Thanks



oh and a long beard on the goat would be a terrific bonus to my purchase



  • Location: 250 mile radius from Pittsburgh Pa
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests





PostingID: 1955074151

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The Best Thank You Note Ever

Dear Alexis,
Thank you for the backpack. My laptop fits nicely inside and likes it very much. It fits well on my back and I can put alot of stuff in it and it is very nice. I like the color, its like you read my mind.
Thanks alot,
Patrick

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

A Guide To Naming an RV

Just in case you ever find yourself in the situation where you need to come up with a name or a design for an RV, here are some tips. (Actual RV names are in bold)

  1. Think of adventurous words. You want your RV to elicit the feeling of extreme adventure. Some examples would be Escape, Freestyle, Fun Finder, Grand Surveyor, Nomad, Passport, Trail Runner, Wanderer.

  2. Once you have your adverture word, think of some places that would be awesome to take an RV. Possibly Antigua, Aruba, Copper Canyon, Emerald Bay, Flagstaff, Frontier, Malibu. Make sure you come up with witty names such as New Horizons, Next Level, Open Road, it makes driving one so much more fun.

  3. While we're at it, might as well think of some places that people would wonder "why the hell is an RV going there?". Places like Orbit, Space Craft, Vortex.

  4. You want your RV to seem as spacious and homey inside, might as well name it after some sort of permanent residence. For example, Bunkhouse, Cabana, Chateau, Eggcamper, Hideout.

  5. There is nothing better than naming your RV after a weird wild animal. These are afterall, the RV's that can get the best illustrations on the sides. Animals like Arctic Fox, Bigfoot, Burro, Cougar, Coyote, Cub, Desert Fox, Eagle, Golden Falcon, Hornet, Innsbruck, Lynx, Mallard, Prowler, Puma, Raptor, Roadrunner.

  6. If you're going after a different crowd, one that might not like the wild animals, try some of these: G-Force, Nitrous, N'Tense, Octane ZX, Trilium, Xtreme, Zoom.

  7. Everyone loves a cutesy little misspelling as well, things like Wee kender, Kustom Koach, Komfort.

  8. Maybe something patriotic? All American Sport, Ameri-lite, Olympian, Pace American, Presidential, Spirit of America, Victory Lane.

  9. If you really haven't come up with a name yet, check out these pictures and maybe you'll be inspired.






Thursday, July 9, 2009

How long is too long?

Driving home the other day, the voice in my car radio announced a new song. The new song began playing, and a few seconds into it, I realized that this wasn't a new song at all. The song had been out at least three months, if not longer. How can you label that as new?

When someone says new, I think brand new. For example, these are my new shoes. I bought them yesterday. They will be known as my new shoes until a) I buy a new "new" pair of shoes or b) they lose their luster and "new" appeal (approximately two-three wears). I'm not sure how the definition of new works on radio, but I think the radio stations have a way different definition of new than I do. As a radio station, "new" must be any song that has been released within the past 274 days (just a guess).

If we think about it, if my shoes get "not new" after two or three wears, songs would get "not new" at the same rate. I listen to the radio about an hour a day while driving to and from work. Each song is around three minutes, but there are probably twenty minutes of commercials/talking an hour. So in a typical day of radio listening, I hear about 13 songs. Thats hopefully an exclusive set of songs, but knowing radio, most likely I've heard many repeats.

I'm sure you know that radio stations have their choice songs that they play basically every other song. Summer of 2005 it was Brad Paisley's The World. I can't listen to that song to this day. Anyways, with all my calculations and magical equations, a song will get "not new" for me in about a week.

If my new songs get not new in one week, and radio stations think songs can be new for a year, we have a major misunderstanding. Point of the story is, I need to not get my hopes up when the radio station announces a new song.

And don't even get me started on new releases at Blockbuster...

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Flying kittens...

Southwest will be allowing pets in the cabin for flights beginning June 17, 2009. Even though I don't like the thoughts of pets on planes because I immediately think of Homeward Bound (where the pets escape from the airport and get lost in the wilderness), it is nice that Southwest is thinking of people with pets. I have just a few comments on their new policy...

Southwest Airlines will only accept small cats and dogs in carriers that can be stowed under the Customer's seat.

A small cat. What is a small cat? I thought I've seen alot of cats throughout my life, and most of the cats I've seen have been approximately the same size. Yes, there are varying sizes of cats at different times of their lives, for example, a 2-week old kitten is substantially smaller than a 2 year old kitten. That would be very weird if a 2-week old kitten was the same size as a 2-year old kitten.

I'm no cat expert, so I thought I'd check the internets to see if I was missing anything huge.
  • Cats typically weigh between 5.5 and 16 lbs. That doesn't seem like a big difference for an airline.
  • Cats average 9-10 inches in height, about 18 inches long, and a tail length of 11.8 inches. Seems like a pretty small size, something that would easily fit in a cat carrier.
So, really what is Southwest talking about with "small cats". A Maine Coon, which is a larger breed of cat, can exceed 25 lbs. Last year, a 44 lb cat (Prince Chunk) was found in Philly. The largest cat on record is 46 lb 15.25 oz. So I can see why Southwest might be against flying these larger cats across the friendly skys, but I still can't figure out what a "small cat" is. Is a small cat simply a not 44 lb cat?

Wikipedia tells me, the smallest cat ever on record was 3 lbs. Now that is a small cat. I just read entirely too much about dwarf, midget and miniature cats, but they seem rare enough that I doubt Southwest will only fly your cat if its a dwarf cat.

So really, what is a small cat?

Monday, June 1, 2009

Sky Mall

Sky Mall has some amazing finds. See plzkthxbai. I've found some thought provoking products while perusing this pleasant magazine.
Is this Sleeping Beauty? Why is this woman sleeping with a rose? Is that safe?


Why is the Mom out the window and down the ladder before her kids if her house is on fire?

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Spanish Bandits Through Time

Spanish Bandits have caused many troubles in my life...


I thought I'd search through time and see what other kinds of trouble they caused. Turns out, they're pretty nasty.


Dilated Peoples even mention them in their song "Heavy Rotation"...
Drinkin Jose Cuervo like some spanish bandits
I bet classy Spanish Bandits drink Patron. Apparently they like to hang out at winerys though...


I just hope you never have to experience the wrath of Spanish Bandits...